never to trust

10:03 AM

Hi and Assalamualaikum

Long time no entry, here I am with a new pov. How was life these past few months of 2018? To be honest, mine is quite challenging and I'm still struggling with my best effort to always look up for the positivity and turn down the negativity before it spreads all over my life. Alhamdullilah, I've learnt something more than useful to me. Now I know that you are you for who you believe yourself are. I'm so so so much blessed with some tests Allah has given to me. I manage to cope with them so so well. There's no other help I could beg other than Him. I've been so lonely but when I come up to my mind, I know that He always knows my struggle and I still have him to seek help from. 

I've been socializing with some kind of people that for sure I learnt a lot from the acquaintance. Some shower me with the holy love but some treat me like shit. This is the biggest thing I am grateful for. At least, in my life, I know that I can never to trust to everyone even if they are my closest friend. Some friends talked back about you. Some are happy to see you down. And the worst of the worst are those who try to make your life more miserable by not telling the truth and act differently in every situation. Such a hypocrite. There's this one friend whom I believe could help me get better with the other but sadly, she's the one who tries to distance us apart. If I am the reason of all this, let me know and stop those back talk shit. 

However, there comes the realisation out of me. Now, I know that I have no one to trust. I have to reserve some for myself. Friends are nothing when you, yourself do not make it an effort to always be there for secrets, feelings and problems. Loyalty is everything. I wish that for those who are currently having a nightmare of having such a friend who gives damn f*ck to your life, go get yourself a life. I was that person who thinks that my life is going to be miserable without friends but I was wrong. I can be happier without them. I still have me to cheer myself up. I don't need such friend in my life, who will eventually ruin mine. I have my stand for this. Eliminates the people who treat bad of you. Of who never make an effort loving you back. All this time, I've been so much sincere in friendship but well, in university you see all types of friend present in this world. The always want to eat one, the friend who talks bad behind you and super angelic kind of friend in front of you, that friend who always want to be competitive in every action while it should be a collaboration for better and the list goes on. So guys, find that kind of friends you wish to have. You are who your friends are. My ultimate advice is to always always be careful and not to easily trust people. You can take some of their words and keep some as a safety barrier. Till then, good night.

Much love,
T

That Question

9:22 PM

Hi and Assalamualaikum

Today marks the second week of my second semester. Everything went well these few days. Alhamdullilah I’m getting lots of friends. I am so happy with my life right now. Things get better with my housemates this semester, hopefully. They’re all in one kind state that I’ve been hoping for. This semester I chose to be a little bit more active than last year. Exercising and participating in things I’ve never done before. It’s a kind of learning. It’s a matter of time that I should have to try everything in front of me and move on in so many things that have been stopping me from being extra. Oh, so positive about me this time.

So, what about ‘that question’? Honestly, guys, things have never been in my way actually, I’ve to admit that. I’m in so much guilt and despair the first few days starting my semester. I have an issue that I don’t even need to tell anyone, but they knew it already. I am so not ready for that same question I have to answer and repeatedly answer. People seem to want to know about that but I know that they do not care. They just want to know the story but not even an inch of effort to help me to solve that. I am so disappointed with everyone in my life right now except for those who have tried hard to make that issue solved, thank you. However, the ratio of that kind of person is only 5:1. It hurts to know that no one actually cares but they just want to know, they ask just to satisfy their curiosity about that issue. To look at the positive side, maybe they just don’t want to make the issue bigger. Thank you today is Friday, I must be positive for this lots of barakah day.

Lesson learned. From that issue I’ve been facing the few days right after I registered, sometimes I should have just moved on with my life. People can come and go. I don’t have the right to make them stay. I’ve been struggling a lot to make things better but when it comes from only one side’s effort, then nothing will ever change. I don’t know where is the mistake. I try and pray hard for the better us. May happiness always be with you. The fate that I met you can never be the most hated event in my life but the happiest instead. Things may get more awkward but do believe that I’m happy when you’re happy. I’m sorry for all the questions we have to answer. I just can say that we never argue but time just has to stop us from proceeding with this friendship. May Allah bless us and shower us with the purest love from a group we can call friends.

Sometimes, letting go of people is the best thing we should have done. I've been trying hard to make them happy but things don't go what we expect. Me, being me is someone who hates to be forced and to force. I'm not the owner of any one's life. They should have been responsible for what is to happen in their life. I just hope that that question will not haunt me the next time. If it was too obvious, it's just because we are awkward to ourselves. Till then, I hope to a solving or a sudden moving on. 

Love,
T