speakout

Those who give advice, thank you

Those who still think positive of me, thank you

Those who curse and betray me, thank you

Those who will always listen to any of my disappointment, thank you

Those who exaggerate things more than anyone else without knowing me well, thank you

Those who treat me either well or not, thank you

There are so many lessons learnt from those, so many things to improve and so many flaws to be fixed. 

You guys are the best version to know me instead of judging me from what people assume, from what people talked about me and everything! I know everyone struggles with themselves to purely know someone they are surrounded with. I thank you all for that.

Alhamdulillah

I survive my hardest period quite well
I survive with all the bad treats from everyone who doesn't know me well
I survive from all the hatred and harsh words

It's not everything on my own, I admit. There are lots of more people who are with me during this period

They are everything
They know me well
They stay with me
They support me
They will to receive the same hatred
They backed me up so well

That's why I appreciate them more than anything else. I do love them very much!

Hi and Assalamualaikum

Long time no entry, here I am with a new pov. How was life these past few months of 2018? To be honest, mine is quite challenging and I'm still struggling with my best effort to always look up for the positivity and turn down the negativity before it spreads all over my life. Alhamdullilah, I've learnt something more than useful to me. Now I know that you are you for who you believe yourself are. I'm so so so much blessed with some tests Allah has given to me. I manage to cope with them so so well. There's no other help I could beg other than Him. I've been so lonely but when I come up to my mind, I know that He always knows my struggle and I still have him to seek help from. 

I've been socializing with some kind of people that for sure I learnt a lot from the acquaintance. Some shower me with the holy love but some treat me like shit. This is the biggest thing I am grateful for. At least, in my life, I know that I can never to trust to everyone even if they are my closest friend. Some friends talked back about you. Some are happy to see you down. And the worst of the worst are those who try to make your life more miserable by not telling the truth and act differently in every situation. Such a hypocrite. There's this one friend whom I believe could help me get better with the other but sadly, she's the one who tries to distance us apart. If I am the reason of all this, let me know and stop those back talk shit. 

However, there comes the realisation out of me. Now, I know that I have no one to trust. I have to reserve some for myself. Friends are nothing when you, yourself do not make it an effort to always be there for secrets, feelings and problems. Loyalty is everything. I wish that for those who are currently having a nightmare of having such a friend who gives damn f*ck to your life, go get yourself a life. I was that person who thinks that my life is going to be miserable without friends but I was wrong. I can be happier without them. I still have me to cheer myself up. I don't need such friend in my life, who will eventually ruin mine. I have my stand for this. Eliminates the people who treat bad of you. Of who never make an effort loving you back. All this time, I've been so much sincere in friendship but well, in university you see all types of friend present in this world. The always want to eat one, the friend who talks bad behind you and super angelic kind of friend in front of you, that friend who always want to be competitive in every action while it should be a collaboration for better and the list goes on. So guys, find that kind of friends you wish to have. You are who your friends are. My ultimate advice is to always always be careful and not to easily trust people. You can take some of their words and keep some as a safety barrier. Till then, good night.

Much love,

T

Hi and Assalamualaikum

So today marks my second last day at home after about 2 hours staying at home doing things I wanted the most; woke up late and eat till nothing left. Now that I've been going through lots of things that are mind disturbing to me so much that I want to write something so bad. Till then, I came across with this topic just a few moments before I switch on my lappy and yeah, I currently typing it. So here I go, the next topic is that we own nothing. 

How come I came to my mind to write about this is because I just let my cats leave on their own. I know that they have been wanted to leave on their own since before. I realised that yesterday when they keep meowing that eventually annoy me and I'm sure the neighbours too. I've been thinking of letting them go for carefree. It's totally a lie if I say that I'm not crying but then I realise that I do not own them. They choose their path of life too. I know the feeling of being trapped and I totally hate it. I love them so much that I could cry when the cannot play well because they hurt their legs. I love cats and I am so sentimental for all the things about them. Allah SWT made them for us to pour the love. Allah SWT owns them as well as He owns me and all the living in this world. So, I set them free, that's my decision and I believe Allah SWT will always take a good care of them. You will always in my mind and dua', Utih and Yen.

With that, I start to think of everything in this world, He owns. While I and the other living things have nothing to call ours. Even the smallest thing I bet is mine, is not mine. That is the fact that I should have known before. In 2015, I could say my most sad year so far because I lost my grandma. She's always with her advice to not to forget reciting Quran, practice kindness every day and everything that leads me to a better person. I asked Him why did He take her away from me this fast? I realised that it was wrong to keep questioning his fate but that was what I did. And now I know that I borrowed her and it's time for her to go. I now know the peace of letting go and be grateful for what is in front of me because yet there will always some beneficial issues behind. He owns us. He owns our happiness so instead of questioning why don't we make a prayer for a better life and better us. Allah is the Most Giving. We ask and inshaAllah He will grant to us if it is the best for us.

Realise that even if you are rich right now, full of money in your pocket but you utilise the money to something Allah SWT does not bless then anytime He can take all of your poverty in seconds. Don't hesitate to start setting our mind that nothing in this world is ours. These can make us be as humble as possible so that we do not live as an ignorant people who always think that we are above everyone in this world because some other time Allah will do his role to make you the poorest people in the world. Be grateful for what we have and always remember to not take things for granted. We own nothing in this world, they all comes from Allah SWT as he wishes.

Much love,

T

Hi and Assalamualaikum

So today, I'm gonna talk about friends. We as a friend and them as our friends. Some people are blessed with real friends who never backstabbed them, while others aren't. It's not a thing we call luck, it's a rizq that God bless us with and for us to be grateful for. All praises to God, I have a very small circle of friends that I still have to trust to. To be honest, I do really appreciate them and they are mostly from my childhood friends. I now realize the fact that the older you are, the smaller circle of favourite and trusted people you met. I have such good girlfriends from my kindergarten up to primary and secondary schools that I trusted the most that I could spend most of my time with them especially during the semester breaks. I am that kind of person who prioritises my family and friends above everything that benefits myself. I like to be friends with everyone but I don't easily put trust in someone. In my journey, there always be that one or two friends that dare my patience. There is this one friend who I intentionally lied to her saying that I currently in a relationship with someone and to my surprise, she didn't happy for that relationship I lied to her. She was like staying away from me and just be selfish to herself. But once I told her that I'd already broken up with my imaginary boyfriend, she was so happy and that was the day I realize that she cannot accept the fact that I'm happy with someone while she's not. How can a friend happy to her friend's parting away in a relationship? From that, I know that she'd been jealous of me and treat me as a competitor that I thought shouldn't exist in an honest friendship. Sometimes, test your friend to know how sincere they are to the friendship you built. I hate fake friends.

Thus, what are friends for? Only for fun, gossiping, educational intentions or maybe just to be backstabbed? Oopsss, pardon! So as for me, friends are allowed to come and go as they pleased but always there to spare some of their time to consult, support and console you in your ups and downs. I am not a friend who needs 24/7 attention and updates from my girls. However, whenever we need each other we just have to start greeting in the WhatsApp group so that they know their roles. Most importantly, don't put high expectations on your friends. We are humans, we are never perfect. So, in order for you to keep the bonds right, make sure to always and always be considerate. You are no one without friends. Find your reflections well. We need each other to make things right at their place. 

To be caution, dear readers, it is true to trust your friends in order to maintain a good relationship but there is also no wrong to always think wise so that you will not be one of those backstabbed victim to your friend. Nauzubillah. Some friends only take advantage of you. They used your kindness and honesty towards them just to make them benefits thing we don't even realize. That is what we called 'friends for benefits' (FFB). I hate that kind of people who always think they are clever enough to deceive people. Thus, I hope everyone who is reading this can have at least that one friend that we can rely on in any situations we are facing at that time. In whatever situations always make yourself as your own friend because you are that number one person who understands you. Anyway, if you haven't found your true friend, don't hesitate to find one and to pray for the best friend to support you throughout your life journey. May everything is good for us and everyone.

Much love,

T

Hi and Assalamualaikum

So today marks almost three weeks me having my semester breaks. My examination ends earlier than the other courses means lots of time at home. Nothing special, staying at home, going out for window shopping sometimes, once in a week having fancy meal which is my favorite part and seldom going out for sports but still have a moment for it. Throughout all the 'me-time' I try to find things to fill in my loneliness at home. What caught my eyes is about being grateful at all times. So, the story began when I accidentally watched a video of Aida Azlin that opened my eyes to look at what I have instead of what I don't. Now I find it is useful to practise gratefulness in yourself since it brings more peace and benefits the future. 

Thus, I made up my mind to actually list out all the things I've been questioning God why I don't get those. This may take up some of my time, to be honest, but yeah I'm on my semester break, nothing to do, so proceed. The first thing that I wrote was that why I am not studying overseas as it was my dream. Coming with all the questions, I add a column to write down the reasons that I can think of why God didn't allow those to happen in my life. So why I don't get a chance to study abroad is maybe because I'm that kind of person who does not like cold weather. I do find that cold weather gives such a gloomy day for me and I can do nothing with the weather since I found it uncomfortable. Then, after I answered all of my questions I realized that God has reasons arranging your way that way. You plan, He also plans.

How to practise being a grateful person? Easy. Stop comparing, start living! Indeed, you will find the beauty of it. Let's say, you're not from a wealthy family, but your friends didn't stab your back. You always lack something but advance in other things. Not anyone in this world has such so-called bad luck. God gives specialty to everyone. You, as a human, explore yourself. For me, I love writing but I have no medium to even make everyone read them so, I decided to use this blogging space to eventually write my thoughts just for fun and to educate me in the future and hopefully more people soon. So, do not hesitate to appreciate what's in front of our eyes than to beg things that are not confirmed to be ours. Be grateful to have your parents living under the same roofs when others not. Be grateful having friends who always there to support and crack some jokes to make you feel contented while others have stabbed-back friends, use them for their own benefits. Be grateful for what you have today because there will always people who are not as lucky as we are. You are the author of your life. If you decide to always look at what people have, then you will forever be greedy and lead to a sad, ungrateful life. Things won't go your way sometimes because God promised to give the best for you. Bear it and you will be fine.

Be grateful guys. Find reasons to whatever you wish to have but you don't because they will always come with reasonable reasons. Maybe you find your life sucks but someone you don't know might envy you for who you are, the life you live and etc.

Hi and Assalamualaikum

Good morning everyone! So today, alhamdullilah I've got a chance to actually write this because the past few days I've been trying to connect this laptop but failed. Gratefully it's connected today. Phewww. So guys, I N T E N T I O N. What comes first in your mind? For me, intention comes with a big heart and dreams. Why say so, because everything we do, we talk, or even we communicate about all comes with an intention and that intention always comes with such a high spirit. 

Every action in our life begins with an intention. If you're in despair in your journey, always look back to your intention you made. You can't just simply give up when things do not go your way. There are always challenges waiting in every way you chose. Be the person who solves them, not escapes. For examples, you currently are studying in your favorite course. However, things are not as easy as you expected before. Guys. go back to your first intention of studying and find the 'beauty' in studying. Don't sum up things without a thorough thought. You are what you think. If possible, write your intention somewhere you can easily catch up, after all, you'll always motivated! Or even you can always ask someone close to you to keep reminding you of your main intention in every field you involved too. Find a way to keep motivated of what you are doing. 

However, there's always a turning back of whatever we do. Let's say that thing does not go your way but you fail at giving your best to mend things up, it's okay to give up for a better idea and another spirit. This happens especially in a business where competitors, targeted customers, business management, and financial are the problems to be faced. Not every day is profit day. There will be a period where all the business people face a down moment. This is a circle of life. Sometimes we are on top and sometimes we are at the bottom. For this, do not hesitate to start again. Maybe the products you compete for are not suitable at the moment. You should brainwash to find a better innovation in competing through the marketing competition. In this situation, yes you can change your intention because it's not a matter of giving up, it's a renewal of a better idea. A better start.

Intention always comes with a positive mind. Don't set bad intention especially to cut off others. For instance, you are to get married to guide her to be a better Muslimah, to build a family full of Barakah and to be a good leader for your family and bring them together to Jannah (Aamiin). So, your intention should not be bad such as to physically punish your spouse when she's not doing the housework or whatever. This is not right. Bear in mind that your intention should back to Allah SWT. Allah tells you to be good, then be good. Do not take opportunities in others' sadness. Make your intention as a guide to hold until the end of your endless journey.

To conclude this topic, I proudly encourage all of you to set an incredible intention and stick to it as long as it does not cross religion's limit. Love yourself that you ought to sacrifice a lot in your journey of life and find the happiness in everything. Every action starts with a good intention that is for Allah (Lillahitaala) and to please Him. InshaAllah. Till then.

Love, 

T

Hi and Assalamualaikum

Tonight, I continue my writings with a new topic regarding consistency or most likely to be called 'Istiqomah' for Muslims. To be exact, consistency needs sacrifice in time, energy and commitment. What I can truly say is that as a person who is committed to their changes in life should have the intentions to stick with those changes no matter what. However, better said than done, it is hard. Sticking to things that are not a routine before can be so much challenging. For instance, you as a Muslimah decided to try wearing socks when you are going out for good and it is ultimately hard to maintain wearing it, especially when the people around you are not doing the same things you did. For that, find a better way to make sure that you will wear socks every day. Maybe you should set an alternative way by putting socks in your bag so that if things don't go your way that time, you can always wear it on the way to your institutions or even in your car. Find a way and not giving excuses to not to stick to things you have committed to. 

I admit that to be a consistent person is full of challenges. It is normal every time you want to change for a better you that there will always people who block your way, who intend to make sure that your journey is hard etc. Do not worry to start your little step and stay strong to whatever obstacles coming. People come as a symbol of giving something to be learnt from so that you know that along your journey to these certain changes in life require more than just a dream. Bear in mind that people talk about it; your changes because they are not used to them. It's the new you that maybe they are awkward with. But, believe me, it would take some time initially. They would stop eventually after they are ready and accept the new you. Don't care about what others think about you. You own your life and they own theirs. Those changes you made in life is your decision. You cannot lean your life on others to decide. It's your life you should care about. 

People keep asking me my tips on how I maintain my changes since before. To be honest, I'm not that pious like some girls out there. At first, I don't think I am capable to tell you my tips on how to keep consistent in changes made in my life because I'm not that consistent for certain time hiks. But, after all, I think no one is perfect. So, instead of telling myself that I'm not good enough for this tips-giving thingy, I should give my reader some ideas so that they will be better than me. Actually, I'm still learning especially when things changed after I entered my degrees' life. No one is there to help you with all the Ilm of the hereafter and advice from teachers and friends. Here, no one cares. You should go and find your own peace. There is no such thing that your circle will advise you for the wrongdoings you have done. It all depends on you to realize or not what you are doing throughout your day. Here in university, I increase my knowledge through videos, hearings, sights, and experiences. It all matters in learning. Don't wait for a formal educational session to learn. Make everything you hear, you see or even you experienced yourself as a method of learning. For example, if someone used you for their own benefits and you just realize it. Just then, you learned that not everyone is sincere towards you. Be careful when making friends. Don't simply fall for their innocent faces or sweet talk. In spite of that, do not make any counterattack but take it as a lesson and set in your mind that you will never do that to anyone because the hurt is real. It's a process of learning in life that is beyond the school gate. We are no one to judge and punish, let God do. 

In terms of my consistency, I always find reasons behind all the changes made in my life. Let's say if it involves my 'aurah', it goes to me, reminding my parents especially my dad. I once read a trusted article about a father who will be asked in 'akhirah' if and only if his daughter does not fully cover their 'aurah'. Thus, everytime I cloth myself, I would ask if I'm wearing this, will my dad be asked in 'akhirah'. It's a process. If not, I would change to something wearable. It's a lie if I say that, as a teenager, I don't have the urge to look presentable. I once said to myself to follow the trend but it never happens because I already made up my mind to look presentable at the way God bless. InshaAllah, slowly but surely. I'm not that lonely for others' attention. Hiks. So guys, why say can't if you can? Consistency surely takes up a lot of effort. Make a change is easy but to stay with it, hmm I would say no. Not everyone is ready for the risks to stick up to the change. Be that person who has goals in life. Ignore those people who talk bad behind you because there are still some who are ready for your changes. Take a moment to identify those and make friends with them. There's nothing hard in consistency unless you think it is. 

With that, me, as the supporter to those who are thinking of changing to a better them will always behind all of you because not only you guys are striving for the excellence in your life, I'm also still learning. Remember that, keep learning and experiencing because these unstoppable matters will eventually help you to a happier life. 

Love,

T

Hi and Assalamualaikum

So today, I've decided to write an entry on positivity. Actually, I don't have anything in mind what will be the content before but as I logged in my blogger space, I've found out that this matter is much more important nowadays to be known and to make it a practice. 

What is positivity?

For me, positivity is a practical doing that for sure will lead to a better and calmer self. It comes from individual's inner strength regarding of whatever circumstances in life. It is a practice that every one of us should make a routine because from what I defined positivity is a thought that force you to look at the brighter side of every obstacle coming in any form. For example, if you were to get hurt after giving your heart to someone, try and 'be positive' because maybe it's a sign that he/she is not a good spouse to you in the future or maybe he/she will give much more burdens to you. Try to look things on its bright side other than to serve yourself with all negativity in your minds. If someone is to hurt you, then make them as a lesson to be learnt and to be remembered all the time so that things will not happen again. 

Nowadays, I could say a lot of negativity spread. Thus, to be more happier is to be positive. Think of everything happened in your life as a love letter from God to make you a better person. What can you expect from people who obviously will not be grateful as who they are; including us? Don't put high expectations on people as it may give bad effects regarding valuing people. Give them the freedom to be who they are. Positivity comes when you are more grateful and you accept people as the way they are. InshaAllah, this practice would eventually give you more calm and happiness. Live your life and do not think against positivity. Find at least one good thing in everything, everyone you faced. It will be a better step to improvise ourselves in thinking skills, actions, and self-worthiness.

I know that it is hard to keep positive. I'm also still learning and hoping that it would automatically set in my mind everytime circumstances is about to happen. I hope that everyone would take it seriously because me, myself have tried it and mashaAllah, it was super calm after having a good thought of everything happened and not to blame anyone or anything. It was super magical that God let you feel the calmness even if you are having a bad day, a bad moment but a practice for a better person in the future. I'm sure that we can do this. We can be positive all the time and we can be happy in our down moments. 

So guys, strengthen your inner strength and turn everything that is to block you from happiness to a blessing that you are grateful for because you know that everything's happened for a reason and for a lesson. It is a two-way communication between you and God. You can't just simply assume things to your thoughts. Take a moment and look away from negativity, then you will find your peace. With that, I hope that everyone will see every problem as a good thing a good practice for them. Keep positive and keep smiling because you only live once and don't burden yourself with those negativities spreading in this technological era. I will be there to support all of you towards positivity.

Love, 

T